God I Hate
by mnementh2000
Summary: How Keitaro REALLY came to be the kanrinin of the Hinata-sou, and some reflections on what led up to his current Naru Flight. Somewhat OOC, but kinda fun.


AUTHOR'S NOTE - I don't own any rights to LOVE HINA, they all belong to Ken Akamatsu

God I Hate...

A young man walks home in the middle of the pouring rain, drenched to the bone, clad in a thin yellow t-shirt and a ragged pair of blue jeans. He trudged along sullenly, contemplating the situation he found himself in, and the events that led him to this particular point in time. Sure, he was pretty much used to the rather frequent, regular flights across town, via a certain brown-haired girl's wicked right hook, or the mystical 'secret' techniques of another one's sword training, but it didn't mitigate the fact that they hurt every freeking time, or that his wardrobe needed replacing nearly every two weeks.

Who is this young man, you may ask? Well, let's take a look back at the events that led this person to this particular situation. To start out, let's learn a little background on him, who he is, where he came from.

* * *

January 5, 1979, a boy is born to his parents, just like countless others that day in hospital wards around the world. He has a shock of black hair, brown eyes, and is the joy of his parents' lives, holding all their hopes and dreams for the family future. The only thing exceptional about this boy is that we are going to take a closer look at his life, at least at this point in his new life.

"He's beautiful!" his mother gushes, as the newborn infant swathed in cloth is handed to the exhausted woman.

"He most certainly is, love!" the father agreed instantly. "So, which name do you prefer for our son?"

She considered his words for a minute, as she fidgeted with the baby's hands.

"I think that I prefer Keitaro. The others are nice, and all, but, now that I have him within my arms, that is the only name that seems to fit."

"Urashima Keitaro," the father intoned, testing the new name, wrapping his tongue around the unfamiliar title. "It is a good name. I like it, and you are right, it does seem to fit our son. If you will excuse me, my love, I will go inform the family about our new son, as well as his name. Hina will be happy..." and he trailed off momentarily at the mention of his mother's name. She was not a bad person, per se, however, she tended to be... manipulative?, plotting?... about everyone's lives. His own marriage to his wife was arranged by her hand, though it worked out in the end. He truly loved his wife deeply, but there were times when he wondered what his life would have turned out like if he had found his own partner, not been tricked into a relationship with the woman who became his wife.

Shaking himself out of his reverie, he smiles expansively at his wife, ran his hand over the head of his son one last time, and reluctantly left their side to see to the business of telling the family the joyous news.

* * *

Five years later, at the inn owned by a certain Urashima Hinata - 'Granny Hina', as she was affectionately known as, or just 'Granny' for short - one Hinata Inn. Three children played in a sandbox outside the building, on the grounds behind it. One, a little five-year-old boy, by the name of Keitaro, was building a sandcastle, with the aid of his two friends. One was a young girl, roughly his age, dark brown hair - worn long - with chocolate eyes, who stared at him with those sorrowful orbs, lost in a dream - a daydream - of the two of them together; the second, a foreign girl, a couple years younger, with short lighter brown hair, brown eyes, and a sickly appearance, who had trouble making friends because of her health conditions, who likewise kept drifting off in trances as she looked at the one male friend that she had. She really didn't know what love was, at that age - none of them did, and it was the furthest thing from Keitaro's young mind for some time to come - but the two girls still dreamed of a life with the kind, caring, loveable boy who had done the unthinkable - befriended them.

The older of the two girls pulled the other to the side, to talk with her about the growing triangle of affections.

"Na-chan, do you like Kei-kun?"

"Yes, I do, Mu-chan. But, he likes you, and you two are so much alike already. If either of us could be with him, it will be you," she answers with a sad sigh.

The first girl thinks for a minute, her young mind working overtime to analyze the current state of affairs (no pun intended - I swear!).

"Na-chan, let's play rock, paper, scissors, and whoever wins will get to be with Kei-kun."

The smaller girl thought a moment.

_I could play, but I always lose. I would like to be with Kei-kun, but I will lose and Mu-chan will be with would be nothing I can do._

She agonized for a bit more, then came to a decision.

_I will go for it. Something may change, and I could win. I will try!_

The other girl was likewise thinking about the game that they were about to play, for the attention of a beloved friend and playmate.

_This will be easy - I think. I mean, she always chooses one thing, that's how I always beat her. She doesn't quite get the idea of the game,so it should be easy. The only thing that won't will be..._

"All right, Mu-chan, I will. Let's go!"

As expected, she chose the same thing, but this time, the results were not the normal ones - Na-can won. She sat, in shock, staring at the other girl.

"Hey, Na-chan, when you go back to Kei-kun, tell him this: 'Did you know that if two people go to Tokyo U. together, they will live happily ever after?' That's what _I _hear, anyway."

With that, she smiled warmly at the sickly girl, and sent her on her way.

As we all know, events played out, and she _did_ tell him, along with extracting a promise from him to meet her there when they grew up.

Little did they know just how much that promise would drive their lives, shape them, and the events that would draw them back together later on, some fifteen years in the future. They also did not know of a certain 'Granny' who observed the whole exchange from her vantage point at the window, her mind already working, gears turning inexorably towards the future of her 'favorite' grandson, and his future bride-to-be.

* * *

Fifteen years have passed for those involved. We now zoom in on a young man, sitting dejectedly on a park bench somewhere in Tokyo, somewhere near a cram school that said young man attends. He has just finished taking college placement exams, with the expressed hope of entering the prestigious Tokyo University - or Todai, as it was affectionately called. This has been his second attempt to pass the exams with a high enough score to be accepted to the much-sought-after school. Yet again, he failed miserably on the test, making the simplest of mistakes on it, throwing the entire thing. Thus, the dejected look, the hung head, the limp arms, sagging posture, and overall self-loathing.

It was this scene that a man dressed in an expensive suit, black with pinstripes, a white button-up shirt, silk tie, and equally expensive shoes of black leather, happened upon. He opened a file folder in his hands, studied the picture a minute, and nodded his head. There was no doubt that this was the person that he was looking for. He fit the picture, matched the description he was given earlier that day by those that had seen what he was wearing, and was sitting in the same spot that he tended to find whenever he was depressed or upset. The well-dressed man moved with a purpose, now that he had spotted his objective.

"Mister Urashima? Urashima Keitaro?"

The younger of the two looked up slowly, lethargically, as if it took all his effort to do so. His eyes were nearly blank in their staring, and he barely acknowledged the other man.

"Yeah?" he finally drew out. "Is there some way I can help you, sir?"

The newcomer smiled a small grin, sitting himself next to the depressed boy, sighed, and began.

"Actually, it's I who can help you. You see, I know of your situation, and have recently entered into contract with a certain relative of yours, who has provided permission for us to employ you in our endeavor. In fact, the whole family will have their parts to play. I was sent to bring you a copy of the contract, so that you may have a chance to look over it."

With trepidation, Keitaro took the proffered documents, carefully studying the man beside him. Questions ran through his mind a million miles a minute.

"What... kind of 'endeavor' is this? Why me?"

"This is going to be a 'romantic-comedy' type of thing. Your relative agreed and we've spent the last several weeks ironing out the details. The best part is, many of the setups have already been made by this person, as well as yourself and certain other individuals in your past."

This really set off alarms in the young man's head. Who was this person, and what had this 'relative' got him in the middle of? Apparently, his face was an open book, for the older gentleman merely chuckled a bit and gestured to the thick packet within Keitaro's hand.

"Just look over the documents. They will explain everything. Remember, though, you will be required to meet us at this address," and he pulled out a business card with a company name and address upon it, handing it over, "in two weeks time. That is when you begin your orientation process."

The suited figure stood up and began to walk away. Keitaro watched as a driver opened a car door for him, then made his way to the driver's side door and entered, himself. Soon, the white sedan was pulling away from the curb and making it's way down the street, leaving the disbelieving Keitaro sitting on the bench, once again alone with his thoughts, which were now confused as he blankly stared at the packet in his hands.

* * *

Let's now see what this young man is thinking, later that evening. In fact, for the sake of an interesting story, let us follow along with him, in his thoughts, as his tale unfolds from this point on. Shall we?

_Okay, so this is a romantic-comedy setup, huh? The setting is in an all-girl dorm? Where will this take place, and how will I be able to be in this if that is where it takes place? Hmmm, so Haruka will play a sizable role, as well, not to mention smaller parts by my grandma and a few cameos by my parents and Kanako. Also, somehow they know about my attempts to get into Todai (Tokyo U), and my failures to this point, not to mention my promise to that girl all those years ago- wait! How do they know about that? Who told them? Would she even remember about the promise?_

He shook his head, trying to make sense of things. His parents were sitting across from him, apparently aware of the situation, but sworn to secrecy about the details of the whole thing. From what he could tell, he and the girls involved were to be kept out if the loop, so that a new approach could be taken, one where all the reactions were completely real. This worried him to some extent, but there was nothing he could do about things.

"So, you guys are all right with this? You didn't even _try_ to stop any of this, or ask questions?"

"Actually, a couple of things, son. First, this relative has a lot of clout, and there would not be much of a chance, if any, to stop this from happening once they put their mind to it. Second, the money for this is great, even for our admittedly small cameo roles. Third, this is perfect, as all of us are constantly hoping to be picked up by someone for a manga or anime."

- Now, just so our readers and followers out there know, all anime and manga characters KNOW that they are such. They are cognizant of the fact that they are subject to the whims of writers and the like, once they are picked up and the contracts are finished. Most manga artists and anime artists don't know of the inner workings of our world, but as soon as they begin a story line, the contracts are expedited, and the characters contacted, as well as any necessary construction or site scouting needed. This all happens as soon as the first ideas are written down, either in writing or in art, the preliminary contracts are set up, to be finalized upon setting the deal in stone, as it were. Anyway, now that that issue has been dealt with, let's get back to the scene playing out for us. -

"But what about my promise? Where does that leave me?"

"Actually, we were going to have you try for a different university if you failed this last time. Twice failing should tell you something, son," his mother replied. "However, according to the contract, you will be paid for about ten years worth of your life, to be spent in keeping up the dorm you will be manager of, as well as falling in love with one of those girls, which we are assured will happen, and to keep trying for Tokyo U, no matter how much we may wish for you to move on. Understand, we are not happy with this relative at the moment, for supporting this pipe dream of yours, and told them in no uncertain terms. However, they formed this contract so that you may continue your failing attempts at Todai, as well as keep that ridiculous promise you made to a girl you can't even remember from fifteen years ago. She claims to have some kind of information on the subject, but won't give us any clues or solid facts." At this, his father cringed.

"Wait. 'She'? Who did this? Who's pulling all the strings?"

"We are not at liberty to say, Keitaro."

A growl escaped him, one of frustration and disapproval. The boy's eyes scrunched together as he thought about things.

_Well, I can't do anything about it. I guess I had better just make the best of it. So, I meet them at this address in a couple of weeks. I might as well continue my studies in the meantime._

* * *

The two weeks passed quickly for the two-time ronin, filled with studies and helping his parents with their sweets business. Soon, the day came for his meeting with the powers that be, those that now effectively owned his life for the next ten years or so. Hopefully, this job would be as cushy as it sounded from that first small talk with pinstripe suit man.

_All-girls dorm... the only man there... a romantic-comedy gig... EVERY GUY'S DREAM JOB!_ he thought to himself in jubilation, contemplating the little information he already possessed. _I can't see any downside to this situation. _

Keitaro stepped off of the train in downtown Tokyo. Getting his bearings, he started towards the direction of the building he needed. Soon enough, he stood outside a medium-height glass-front building, with a set of double doors behind a man in a dark suit - obviously a guard.

_Kami, look at the size of that guy! He could break me in half just by looking at me!_

The guard was roughly six foot tall, shoulders so broad that he almost had to turn sideways to fit through the door, arms the size of steam pistons, and legs like tree trunks. The foreign man appeared to be western European, with dark hair and a darker complexion from his time standing in the sunlight. His impassive face was a perfect mask, betraying no emotion nor any of his thoughts. Keitaro approached the man cautiously.

"E-excuse me, sir. I a-am Urashima Keitaro, and I-I am expected." he stammered nervously.

The other looked him over a moment, almost disdainfully, before apparently deciding that he was harmless, and moved aside, opening one of the doors behind him. Keitaro passed through, feeling the eyes of the huge man riveted to him the whole time. Once inside, he followed the short hall around the corner and into a small reception area, with a secretary behind a desk, working quietly. Without looking up, she said:

"Welcome, Urashima-san. You are expected, but you are a few minutes early. You will be seen in a few minutes, at the appointed time. Please have a seat, for now."

The nervous youth sat down in one of the chairs in the reception room, looking about to try to get some idea of what to expect. The room's decor really didn't help with that task. The receptionist sat at one corner behind a desk with a very modern computer on it, typing away at something. Other than that single item, the desk was surprisingly devoid of papers, personal effects, and anything else one would expect to find on the work stand of such a person. The walls were decorated with generic posters of generic abstract art that could be found at any supply store for such things, as well as a few degrees hung behind the woman. The colors, themselves, were a muted brown overtone, accented by the dusty blue of the seating, all aimed at relaxing the people awaiting their appointed meetings with the mysterious people behind the door that split the wall behind the receptionist. That door, itself, held no clues, as it was a plain, heavy, solid wood piece without any other distinguishing features.

Just as Keitaro was beginning to wonder what the heck he was doing here, the lady behind the desk stood up and moved over to him, stopping exactly four feet away, bowing at the waist to him.

"Thank you for your patience, Urashima-san. You may now enter for your appointment. Please follow me."

She led him to the door, knocked twice, and opened it, stepping inside first, to be followed closely by the young man.

"Sir, your ten forty-five appointment is here, mister Urashima Keitaro," she announced bowing again in respect.

"Thank you, Mrs. Tatsoya. You may leave," answered a middle-aged man from his seat in passable Japanese, obviously a foreigner. The indicated lady straightened from her bow and silently left, closing the door behind her quietly.

Keitaro guessed the man's age as between thirty-five and forty, and he had dirty-blonde hair, a ready smile, and crinkles about his eyes, attesting to the fact that he smiled often. His lean frame was clothed in a suit that was custom fitted, definitely of high quality, and Keitaro noticed the ring on the man's hand as he looked him over. The stranger stood up and rounded the desk - quite the contrast to the desk outside the door, with papers and personal items strewn about it, seemingly haphazardly - to greet him by holding out his hand. Keitaro bowed slightly and then accepted the handshake.

"Welcome, Mr. Urashima. I'm sure that you have a lot of questions about your new situation, and how you arrived at it, and I will try my best to explain things.

"First off, though, allow me to introduce myself. I am John Trader, and my job is to secure the services of characters to portray the parts created by manga and anime writers and artists. I have actually been at this work now for several years, and, if I do say so myself, am rather good at my job.

"Recently, a certain Ken Akamatsu, or as you would say, Akamatsu Ken, began preliminary work on a new series, about the adventures of a Tokyo University hopeful living in an all-girl dorm. I can't give you much in the way of details, as the producers are trying something new with how they do this work. Suffice it to say, when the word went out about this opportunity, your... relative... approached us, and when we looked at the situation, it seemed that you were tailor-made for this part, with very few adjustments; thus, we signed the papers with this person, gaining your, and your relatives', services. I am sure that you will enjoy the work, your first job, if I'm not mistaken. Besides, you, an all-girl dorm, what more could you want?"

The glint in his eye should have set off alarms in Keitaro's mind, but since this was all new for him, and he was unsure of how to proceed, he missed it. -Heh,heh, we all know how_ this _plays out later, don't we! Well, back to the narrative!- Letting go of the foreigner's grasp, Keitaro tried to force his mind into a semblance of rationality.

"Umm, can I ask who set me up with this, and how this is going to affect my life from here on out? I know that I am signed on for the next ten years, but, how will it affect me otherwise?"

"Here, sit down, and I will try to clarify a few things. First off, this relative asked to remain anonymous, at least for the time being, and reserved the right to reveal themselves when and if they choose. As for how this will affect your next ten years, that will remain to be fully seen. You see, as a manga / anime character, you are subject to the whims of the writer / artist employing you. What we _do_ know, is that this Akamatsu fella was after a _ronin,_" and her frowned at the word, not at all sure what the term fully implied, before continuing. " He wanted a _ronin_, with little or no experience with girls, who was a good guy all round. Certain other needs were met by this relative of yours, much to our pleasure, since that means that there will be little to no scouting of sites, building of sets and buildings, etc. We also know that we will be paying you for your services, as well as your continued attempts to get into your University of choice, namely Tokyo U. As for your living situation, on the first day, at the start of the manga - and it has been decided to go ahead with an anime, by the way, so you will be followed just about everywhere discreetly - you will be moving into the dorm, as the kanrinin," and again, he got a look at the unfamiliar term. "That is where it will all begin. We also know that you will be living there for at least a year and a half, perhaps a bit longer.

"You will also be required to fall in love with one of the tenants there, as happens often enough in mangas and animes. Who it is will remain as much a surprise to you as to us, until such time as Mister Akamatsu decides to reveal his decision.

"As this is a romantic-comedy bit, you can expect the usual hilarity and pranks that go along with the genre, thus a series of shots will be administered to get ready for the part, not to mention the clause in your contract. All in all, you should enjoy the experience."

The two men talked for a while longer, finally parting, with Mr. Trader admonishing him to meet with the people who were getting the whole thing rolling ten days hence.

* * *

Ten days later, Keitaro stood in the waiting room of another building, this one set up more along the lines of a doctor's office. This intrigued the young ronin, and he looked at all the degrees posted along the walls. Soon, a woman entered through the door he had been led through, and Keitaro did all he could not to stare at her. She was in her late twenties, maybe early thirties, and was the most beautiful woman that he had ever actually met. She was dressed in a smart dress with a white blouse, wearing the standard, ever-present, lab coat that he always pictured doctors wearing.

_Oh, wow! She is amazing! Whoa,whoa, down boy!_

Noticing Keitaro's reaction, and the internal struggle he was dealing with, the woman smiled and chuckled silently to herself. Finally, after looking over whatever chart or paperwork she had in her hands, she spoke.

"Hello, Urashima Keitaro, I am Hayasaba Suki. I see that you will be part of the new manga that is soon to come out. How do you feel about that?"

Collecting his jaw from the floor, the young man replied: "A little nervous and also upset. Truth be told, I had plans that I was working for, and then this gets dropped in my lap. I mean, I know that this is what we all hope for, to be chosen for a manga or anime, maybe even both, but I was hoping to achieve my goals before that happened."

"Don't sweat it, Urashima-san. From what I gather, it will all work out in the end. I can't give any details away, as I only know a few bare-bone facts, but it should prove fun and interesting. Just work with it.

"In the meantime, we have a lot to get accomplished to get you ready. If you will follow me, we will get started."

The two of them walked out of that room and down the hallway, to another room.

"If you will, please undress and put on that gown over there. We need to do a full physical work-up on you, as well as full blood work. We will give you about fifteen minutes to change before the doctor doing the physical comes in. after that, we'll begin your blood work. Try to remain as calm as possible. These are standard procedures in these circumstances, so don't worry."

With those parting words, she left him alone in the sterile room. Slowly at first, Keitaro removed his clothing, then donned the gown, embarrassed by the fact that it was open in the back. When he had finished, he sat down on one of the chairs lining the wall.

He was about to doze off when the door opened and a male doctor in his fifties strolled in and greeted him. They got down to business, going through the physical quickly, the man writing notes in a folder as they went. Once done, the older doctor left, telling him that a nurse would be in shortly to begin the other part of the work up.

True to his word, a heavier set lady walked in ten minutes later with a handful of medical paraphernalia. She set it all out on the counter, and asked Keitaro to hold out his arm. Binding a rubber tie around his upper arm, she set about swabbing his inner elbow, over a vein. Tapping it a couple of times to get it to raise to be accessed easier, she pulled out a large needle, and Keitaro nearly fainted at the sight of it. Smiling in sympathy, she apologized before inserting it into his arm. The nurse quickly filled four vials with his blood, then carefully extracted the needle and placed a cotton ball over the area, asking him to hold it in place for a few minutes. He did so while she went about labeling the different vials for their respective destinations. Once done, she replaced the cotton with a new one and placed a band-aid over the site, then left to go about her business, telling him that he could again get dressed and that the doctor would return shortly.

_Man! All this for a series, a job? I didn't realize that this would be so embarrassing or involved. Oh, well. At least it's over now._

Hayasaba-san entered a few minutes later, studying the sheets.

"Okay, Urashima-san, we will be seeing you in about a week. It will take a few days to get all the results back, so you are free until next Monday. Please be back here at nine-thirty on Monday. Thank you for your patience and cooperation."

They shook hands and he parted ways with the beautiful woman.

* * *

"So, how did the physical and blood work go?" Keitaro's father inquired.

"Alright, I guess. So, does this happen for every job we get hired for?"

"Pretty much," his mother answered. "I went through it only once, back when I was younger. It was before I met your father, and I was part of a crazy anime, and it required some specialized procedures to get me ready. Maybe you won't have to worry about that for a while yet," she finished, hopefully.

"I don't know. They said that I was to return at nine-thirty on Monday, about a week from now. They should have my blood work and all back by then."

"Hmmm," was all that his father said, looking at his wife, a slight worried look upon his features.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing. Just thinking. Don't worry about it. It's probably nothing."

_Something's got him and mom worried, but they're not going to tell me. I wonder what it is. Oh, well. Might as well not spend too much time worrying over it, as I won't be able to do anything about it anyway. I just hope it doesn't come back to bite me in the butt later._

-Later, he'll come to regret_ not_ worrying over those looks and words.-

* * *

Beginning that Monday, Keitaro was to return to the clinic every other day, to receive a steady, regular, regimen of shots, ostensibly consisting only of vitamins and the like. This development sent his parents into a new spiral of worry.

They also began to get him prepared for what was going to be required of him when it came time to begin the job. He learned that he would be staying at his grandmother's old inn, the Hinata Inn. He also learned that the girls that he would be staying with were already there, minus one, the youngest. Also, one of them would not be there right away, as she would be gone for something having to do with her schooling. There were precious few facts given, other than the fact that he would be the live-in manager of the place, the kanrinin. Apparently, they wanted all of the introductions to be done on the fly, 'for authenticity's sake', he was told. He also learned that his cousin / aunt would be there, running a tea house just down the steps from the inn, so there would be a relative to lean on, if need be, as well as his grandmother, though her role was a little more vague, at best.

This continued all the way up to the week prior to series launch, and then he was given the last few days to himself. He was admonished to take the week and enjoy himself, as he would be busy once things began.

_I think I will just relax at home, and spend time with my parents and sister. It may be a while before I can do that again._

Now that he had a plan, he set off to talk with his family. He spent the day helping out his parents in the sweet shop, enjoying the time with them, talking about anything and everything, and nothing at all really. He was very good at the baking of cakes, from all the time he had spent helping them in the past, but when it came to any of the candies or fudges, he failed miserably. Still, it was an enjoyable time.

He also spent time with his adopted sister, knowing that she would take the change the hardest, as she was extremely close to and protective of him. He took her out to the park, to a movie, not to mention out for ice cream. An outsider might have come to the conclusion that the two were on a date, but they didn't care. Of course, what the young man didn't know was that she wouldn't have protested the change in their relationship, as she was adopted and not blood related. In her mind, that made all the difference in the world.

-Again, as our followers would come to find out, this will cause plenty of mayhem for the unlucky young man in the future. Hehheh...-

* * *

_If I remember correctly, I follow this road here to the base of a large hill, and then mount a rather long flight of stairs, to get to the Hinata Inn. First off, though, I will cross this bridge and sit down a minute to get my bearings, perhaps look around a bit. Besides, the camera crews have to get ready for me for the anime part of things, and I am a bit early._

He matched actions to words, and soon found himself sitting on a stone bench relaxing, watching everyone passing by. He glanced about, but found no sign of any of the film equipment that was supposed to be about. Shrugging, he pulled out an old, beat-up sketch pad and began to quickly capture the slower pace of life here. Soon, though, he heard a young girl on the bench on the opposite side of the bridge. Looking over, he guessed her to be about twelve or thirteen years of age, and that she was a very pretty girl, if she smiled. Getting a brilliant idea, he turned to a new page and began the process of capturing the young girl on paper, only with a bright, happy smile that lit up the sky, instead of the crying, sad countenance that he observed.

He hadn't finished yet when a pair of old, wizened hands snatched the pad from his grasp and began studying it with several other pairs of eyes. When he looked up, he found several of the town elders pouring over the images within the book, settling finally on the newest addition, the young girl nearby. When he tried to grab the pad back, they began tossing it amongst themselves, only to misjudge and have it land on the ground in front of the girl, open to the page with her on it.

_Oh, crap! How is she going to react? She's going to see me as a pervert or something, isn't she? Crap, crap, crap..._

Sniffle. "Huh? That's mean!" she said quietly, picking up the offending pad.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he protested, misunderstanding her reaction and words. "Bad hand..." and he ran off in a panic over her apparent disgust.

The young, dark-haired girl stared after him in bewilderment, at a loss over what had happened. After some time, when her mind started working again, she stood up, gathered herself together along with the sketchpad, and started off to her home.

Meanwhile, back with the unfortunate Keitaro, he had become lost from his mad dash for freedom, looking about himself. Soon, he started recognizing some of the buildings and streets from his memories of so long ago. Following those memories, he soon came to an all-too-familiar flight of stairs, which stretched on further than he remembered, and he nearly face-palmed at the height.

_Ah, man! This is really gonna suck. At least I will get to see grandma and Haruka, and then take a soak in the hot springs. It's been so long since I've seen either of them, or been able to relax here. It will be nice. Besides, it's an all-girl dorm now... wait, I'm not supposed to know that, so I have to speak out loud about it still being an inn._

We tag along as the youth makes his way up the steps, and realizes for the first time that he now is clumsy, falling down several before catching himself.

_What the heck? Since when am I so clumsy? What exactly have they been injecting me with?_

- For all of you out there, yes, we did do this to him. As a manga character, and of that universe, we are able to affect certain traits and qualities, so that we can get the desired results. He will soon find out about another change, but let us see for ourselves what that is...-

By now he had picked himself and his load up off the steps and finished his exhaustive climb, pausing to catch his breath at the apex. Upon entering the now-dorm, he called about for anyone, but found no answer. Little did he suspect that one of those tenants that he would soon meet was an undercover agent of ours, meant to foment mayhem, and that she was waiting patiently for his arrival.

_Well, I guess that I arrived a little too early. The others aren't anywhere around, so maybe I could get a quick dip in the hot springs. Still, gotta make it look good, so I should do a quick glance through the place, double check and all._

_Oh, this is the guy, is it? This should be fun, hehehehe. Oops! Get it together girl, don't rush into things here. Take things slow and steady to start out. They said that certain 'things' had been taken care of, so he should cause his own fun, but I'm here to make sure that something is _always_ in the works._

After a brief, uneventful, if you don't count twice tripping over nothing 'uneventful', tour of the dorm, he finally made his way out to the onsen.

At that very moment, unbeknownst to him, Keitaro sealed his doom, for a particular girl with light brown hair had arrived home and was making her way to her room. She was stopped on the top stair of the flight of steps by a squinty-eyed, silver-haired, well-endowed girl who just so happened to be her best friend. They had hit it off almost immediately when they had first met.

"Hey, Naru, how's your day been going?"

"Exhausting! All I want to do is get upstairs and relax for a while."

_Ooooh! This could be my big chance! "_Tell you what, I was just about to do my laundry and step into the hot springs; why don't you go on ahead and I'll join you in a few minutes?"

"Sounds great! The heat would help soothe away some of my weariness. Don't take too long."

Back to Keitaro, he was just settling in for a nice, long, soak, oblivious to the figure moving into the onsen, or the set of eyes peering through the cracked door. The almost silent snicker was not heard beyond the doorway, nor was the grin noticed by both nearly blind youngsters.

The resultant insanity has been duly noted and archived in the film and text records, but maybe a quick recap.

Naru entered the bath, expecting her best friend, and couldn't see more than a vague shape in the water; Keitaro was too dumbstruck at the idea of anyone else in the hot spring, as he thought everyone was out, so words eluded him. Playing a joke on 'Mitsune', Naru approached, talking about her breast size, and how she was certain that they had become larger, after which she grabbed 'Mitsune's' hand and clasped it to her chest. _This_ finally thawed Keitaro's mind enough to think and move. Unfortunately, Naru also noticed that something was off, and reached over for her glasses,which she had carried in with her and set upon one of the stones nearby. The resultant screech - from Keitaro, no less - and battle cry of "PERVERT" are still talked about today, some four years later.

Well, we all know how the rest of the story went - the hilarity, the tears, the falling in love (against all involved wishing for it ( *ahem Motoko ahem*), and the fact that the very two who had such a horrible first meeting actually are a couple now, and that the wedding is in the planning, for a couple of years from now. This now brings us back to the current time and situation. Again, let us enter into the thoughts of this same unlucky fellow, and see what he is thinking as he makes his sopping wet way back to the Hinata-sou, the place where every ounce of his patience and goodwill, not to mention control over himself, has been tested time and again - often with similar Naru Punch Flight 101 being the final result of the misfortunes that have been visited upon him - often because of the clumsiness and the compromising situations that we had organized. Let's listen in.

_Kami, what's wrong with that girl! I can't seem to do _anything_ right, according to her. And then there's that crap that was pulled with me by the quacks at the office, making me clumsy beyond belief. If I had known about that alone, I would have found a way out of the contract that Granny signed me into. What _was _her reasoning for that, anyway - my demise, maybe? Course, that couldn't happen, either, not with all the things 'they' did to me. _

_'You're one of the main characters; we can't have anything happening to you without it being planned for, now can we? Besides, if it was planned for you, you wouldn't actually die anyway. That is one of the big secrets. You see, it's bad for business if the others knew that if a part called for a death, someone would kick it, so we simulate it, and that person goes on with their life from that point on. It's simple, really. So, don't worry too much,' I was told._

_HMPH! I may not need to worry about them actually doing much physical harm to me, but it still hurts like he... Ah! I can't say that kind of thing. Never know when they will be listening, and 'they' don't much care for profanity. Still, it _does_ hurt like the blazes! I almost wish that all those that put me through this would be made to go through the same treatment for a week. Let's see how _they _could handle it._

_Maybe after all this is done, I could actually meet someone halfway normal, and polite, and sweet - like Shinobu is. Heck, marriages in the anime and manga world are not binding, as it's all for the viewers - almost like actors and actresses in movies are only portraying a part when they get married. When all is said and done, they leave their set and go home to their significant others, their families. Shoot, maybe I will even ask Shinobu, as she will definitely be old enough by then, and we seem to have hit it off pretty good. We'll see, we'll see..._

_I have to say, though, that the one thing that makes this almost unbearable is the one thing that is keeping me alive throughout all of this. Without it, I doubt I would be subjected to the things that I have been, as callously as I have. I think that five words sum this all up, all my hate and dislike, my disgust at the whole situation : 'God I HATE Plot Protection!'_

_D _

_D_

_Omake:_

The girl with the short, dark hair sat upon the bench across from Keitaro, crying, obviously in great distress over something. At first, Keitaro only sat there, sketching her, with a sunny smile that lit up the page. After a few minutes, a wizened set of hands plucked his sketchpad from him and several sets of eyes peered over the drawings contained within. He turned to the offending people, only to discover that they were several of the town elders.

"Come on! Can you please return my book?" he said in exasperation. At this, the group began to toss the object back and forth, playing a game of 'keep away' with the unfortunate boy.

Suddenly, one of them made a mistake, and the book sailed over the ronin's head, to land in front of the girl. She looked up from her feet to the book, somehow open to the sketch of her, and frowned in displeasure.

Sniffle. "Huh? That's mean!" she commented.

Keitaro looked around, ready to place the blame where it rightfully belonged. However, the elders were nowhere to be found,disappearing into the mist as completely and suddenly as they had appeared. At this, he began to panic.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry..." he began, " It was an accident. Bad hand, bad hand!" he exclaimed, slapping his own hand, before running off as fast as his feet could carry him.

The girl stared after the obviously insane boy, dumbfounded, though she thought that he was cute otherwise. She looked down at the open pad at her feet, and bent to pick it up, as if in a daze. Taking a moment, she studied the picture of her, drawn with a beauteous smile instead of the tears and distraught expression.

_ It _is _good,_ she thought to herself. After a moment, she attempted to bring forth a smile to match the one on the paper, to no avail._ It's no good right now.__ I can't do it at the moment. I'm too upset._

Meanwhile, Keitaro had calmed down, and realized that he had just ran away from a situation that was none of his doing. Besides, he had dropped his pad.

"Ah, man!" he exclaimed out loud, drawing stares from those around him. "I've got to get that back, as well as talk to her and explain the whole thing."

Carefully, he made his way back to the benches, and just caught the girl standing up.

"Ummm, miss? I-I'm sorry about... you know... a few minutes a-ago. You see, the elders grabbed that from me and..."

"I know. I-I saw, e-even if it l-looked like I wasn't paying attention. B-but, w-why d-draw me?" she asked nervously, and a little wary. She had a huge blush on her young face as she asked.

"Well, you just looked so sad, and I thought that you would look cuter with a smile. What were you so upset about?"

She quickly looked away, embarrassed, not wanting to meet his gaze.

"W-well, p-p-promise n-not to laugh?" she begged, to which he quickly nodded an affirmative. Emboldened, she revealed, "I just recently moved to the area, to be in a mange and anime, but, since I'm so new, I got lost getting back to the home. I just can't remember how to get back, and I got to embarrassed o ask anybody."

Concerned, and understanding, Keitaro introduced himself. "I'm Urashima Keitaro, and I'm actually here for the same reason."

"Maehara Shinobu. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Likewise. So, where do you need to go? I could help you, as I used to come here often, either by showing you the way, or asking about for you."

"The Hinata-sou. I was out getting groceries for the kitchen and got all tuned around."

"Come on. I'll show you where it is."

They set of, with Keitaro's mind in a spin. _She must be one of the tenants, a recent one._ _Most likely, she is the one that wasn't there when I was being briefed, the youngest tenant. This may prove awkward, as I'm not supposed to meet any of them for a little bit yet..._

_D_

_D_

**Author's notes: **So, what do you think of my little one-shot. It was meant to be more homorous than it turned out, but, eh! The whole thing got started a few months back while I was talking with my friends, and we suddenly blurted out those last five words, over a character in some movie, game , or anime who survived and we all absolutely hated. Suddenly, Plot Protection became the bane of our existence :D. This is only my second fic ever, so constructive criticism will be accepted, but flaming will not, thank you very much.

On a side note, I just recently read a funny fic on the Negima fanfic portion, similar to this, but treating it as if the actors portraying the characters were in a conference with the creator, Akamatsu, discussing the end of the series. Very amusing. However, this was NOT, I repeat, NOT inspired by that fic, this concept was arrived at a few months back, and I am only now getting it uploaded due to access to a computer more readily at hand.


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